Here is another part of the project that I have been struggling to work on, as of late. The character Mike is not based on me, just happens to share the same name.
Mike sat at the end of the bar, nearest the station for waitresses to put in and pick up drink orders. This usually gave him the opportunity to flirt with several ladies as they made there way past him. This type of strategic placement had won him an enviable record of success in obtaining phone numbers and on good nights, one night stands. This was, of course, if he was in a good mood. He could be a vindictive and manipulative bastard at times, and on those none too rare occasions, his entertainment came from turning the women against each other. He would often times laugh himself off of the barstool when he could cause some type of confrontation.
Ben had been with Mike on several of those occasions, often acting as a peacemaker and keeping Mike from getting his ass beaten. The role was not one that he cherished but he had come to consider it par for the course. Often times, Ben had acted as a wing man for Mike and he had gone home with the fat friend, or ugly friend, too many times to recall. Some guys would have a problem with always getting the less desirable of the two women. Ben just did not see it as a bad thing. As far as he was concerned, they were the ones who were more eager to please, and rarely bothered you after the night was over. The pretty ones always seemed to be a problem in the end, latching on and wanting to talk about a relationship. Ben had better things to do, and definitely better priorities. He had been with his fair share of pretty women, for he was a handsome young guy. Unfortunately, he came off as cold towards women a lot of the time due to his shy personality and the “relationship” would more than likely end up with a restraining order against the most current disappointed beauty queen. No, he preferred fucking the fat chick and going to sleep.
Mike leaned back on his stool, holding on to the bar top with his hands. He stared at the blonde college girl who was carrying a stack of empty beer glasses, watching her as she came towards him. He gave her a smile and asked her how she was doing, really playing up his Boston accent. This was usually a hit with the ladies, causing the girls to fawn all over him, asking him to say the most random things so that they could melt from his Boston drawl and New England charm. This girl returned his smile and replied in an accent of her own,”I’m from South Boston sweetie. Use your accent on someone else.” She slapped his ass after saying this and flashed another smile as she saw the guilty look on his face. His game had been identified and with one quick retort, the girl from Boston had rendered his offense useless.
Mike raised his glass to the young lady, tipping it towards her in a type of salute, and looked to his friend as she passed out of sight. “That bitch from Southy is going down tonight my friend.”, he said as Ben gave him an awestruck look and replied, “Dude, there is no way. She saw right through the best thing you had going for you.”
Mike took a drag off of his cigarette that had been smoldering down to the filter since he had lit it. He crushed it into a little wad of a cigarette corpse, and smiled at his friend. “And what exactly is my best thing?,” he asked.. The fact that you are something strange to the local girls around here. You are an anomaly to them, but she has known thousand of guys like you because she is from Boston. You stand no chance.”
“Let me tell you something.”, Mike said, ripping the label from his empty Sam Adams beer bottle. “I went out with this girl last night, real fucking bitch.”
“So you struck out with her then?” Ben asked.
“Nah. I nailed her. It was a total grudge fuck though. One for the ages.” Mike responded..
Ben had a confused look on his face. He looked around the bar, just in case someone might have heard what Mike had said. “Alright. I will bite. What exactly is a grudge fuck?”
“Well, it is when two people get together and fuck, no matter how much they hate each other. I hated her because she was a cold hearted bitch that shot down any guy that approached her. I mean, she came across as this total ice queen, and I have dealt with too many of those in my life to not despise them.”, Mike explained as he signaled the bartender for another beer.”Now, she hated me because I was a dude. Evidently she had been screwed over by several guys from her past. None of them took care of her, or listened to her, you know. Same old bullshit story, just another day. So, end of the story, we got together and worked out some of our own personal issues. It was kind of like therapy, only with fucking involved.”
Mike leaned into the bar upon completion of his explanation, acting as if he had just explained the simplest occurrence ever. Ben could not believe how calm his friend appeared to be. This was the craziest idea that he had ever heard of and yet, Mike acted as if he had just been told that the sky was blue. “SO wait a second....I mean, how does that even work? How do you get a woman who hates you, because you are you, to give in and have sex?”
Mike flashed a smirk and said, “It’s the Corvette man. It’s a panty dropper.”
Ben looked at the guy sitting next to him, this friend of his for several years. “Okay, let me get this straight. She hated you, but then she saw your Corvette. After that, she just fucked you. And that was it.”
“Nah”, Mike replied. “ She is coming by tomorrow, too. Seems she has some more issues to work out or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.”
As Ben began to laugh at his friends anecdote, a girl that had been celebrating her birthday that night stumbled up to the bar. She smiled at Ben and then turned to face Mike, who had bought her a few birthday shots over the course of the night. Mike nodded at the bartender as his fresh beer arrived, and gave the universal sign for two more shots. This looked like a guy with only two fingers on one hand, having a seizure and causing his hand to move back and forth at a meth users pace between the two receivers of said shots.
“I love you!”, the girl slurred. “You are so sweet for sending me those free shots. I just wanted to come over here and tell you that you are so cooooool!” Her birthday tiara sat half tangled in the birdnest of her hair, a mess that could only be caused by drunken fidgeting. Mike looked from the girls hair down to her feet, making it obvious that he was giving her a good looking over. He looked back to her face, and then turned to face the television behind the bar.
“Really? Cause I was just thinking how annoying you and your friends were earlier, belting out show tunes like we were at the god damn ice capades.”, Mike replied with a thick Boston accent, obviously re-trying his luck. The girl took a minute to register the fact that she and her friends had just been insulted. “What?!? You are in a bar motherfucker, and it is my birthday, and you are a jackass!”
“I’m a jackass? You’re the one doing your Liza Manelli impersonation in a sports bar. If I wanted to hear a sound as bad as your singing, I could have stayed at home and murdered a cat with a blender. How drunk are you, by the way?”, Mike asked.
“Fuck you!”, the girl screamed, starting to cause a commotion. “I am not drunk. You are just an asshole. You know what else you are? You’re .....”. The girl’s ranting trailed off as she stared at the shots being set on the bar in front of Mike. He looked at her and spoke up. “You’re right, I am sorry. Here have a drink.”. He slid one of the tall glasses towards her along the bar top.
“OOH, Jager Bombs!” she exclaimed, hastily grabbing the drink and downing it in one swallow. “You’re voice sounds funny. Where are you from?” Mike flashed a quick look at Ben before going in for the kill with this soon to be conquest. Ben turned on his bar stool, looking towards the table of her friends. He downed the last of his beer and went off to select the weakest of the herd as he heard them singing a new song.
